Why we have anger outbursts & rage in relationships?
A reason why we as men have anger outbursts and experience rage in relationships, is because we don’t know how to communicate our needs.
This comes from a childhood where we could have either been neglected, our boundaries crossed, or our needs were dismissed by our parents.
Then the only way we got their attention or could attempt to communicate what we needed and get our way, was by chucking a tantrum.
We quickly learn this behaviour is unacceptable and often punished, so we spend our lives trying to suppress our anger and rage, which works for a while.
But eventually our life changes and new relationships form, which trigger the f**k out of us. Then all this suppressed anger and rage comes up again, out of no where.
Essentially chucking a tantrum as an adult when we don’t get our way, our boundaries are crossed or when our needs aren’t met.
How do we resolve this?
Own the fact we are using childlike behaviours to get our way, our needs met or to send a message to others they crossed a boundary.
Learn to communicate our needs from a healthy and regulated place, so a standard and boundary is set.
When that boundary or standard isn’t met, use the energy of anger to say no, to say that wasn’t acceptable, or to remind another person of the mutual agreement.
Anger and rage becomes a shadow for many men, as it is pushed into the unconscious from an early age as it was deemed unacceptable and needed to be hidden from the world.
However, whatever is suppressed will always be brought back up in some way and usually at times we don’t want and usually taken out on the people around us, those we love.
If anger and rage is left a shadow, it will forever have control over us and we will continue to ‘lose it’, hurting ourselves and others around us.
If we own our anger and rage, understanding the role it’s playing and integrating it back into our psyche, we can then become in control of it. Actually using it for good in our life e.g. setting boundaries, standing up for ourselves, becoming more assertive, productivity at work, in our fitness training, sports...