The Uncomfortable Truth About Confidence No One Is Telling You

Everyone has the ability to be confident.

You probably know exactly what it would feel like to be your most confident self—what you'd do, how you'd act.

Yet, for some reason, it still feels out of reach. You find excuses for why you’re not confident.

You’ve tried affirmations, self-love, growth mindset, gratitude, visualization…

But you still play small, stay hidden, stay quiet, and end up thinking, “If only I could just x,” while judging yourself for not taking action.

Why?

Because you may have a fear of being exposed, most likely as a fraud.

The reason why most people do not feel confident is because they are spending most of their time trying to hide parts of themselves they believe are unacceptable and not good enough.

They spend all their energy doing everything possible not to be found out as a fraud.

​
​When you walk around doing everything possible to avoid making mistakes or constantly hiding parts of yourself in fear of being exposed as a fraud, of course you’re not going to be confident!

​
So my question is, and one I ask myself and my clients is…

Is there truth to that? Is there truth to being a fraud?

Most of the time, the answer is…. Yes.

There is a part of us that is a fraud.

The thing is, EVERYONE is or has felt like a fraud in one way, shape or form lol.

Most people just aren't fully aware of it, because it's so unconscious, and continue to take unconscious actions to cover this up.

​
​Here’s the magic of owning what you fear exposing… It no longer controls your actions and you’re no longer afraid of it. So now you can look at it and evolve.

Where we believe we are a fraud, is our opportunity to grow so we don’t have to feel like a fraud anymore in that particular area and we get to transcend it to contribute to our success.

e.g. When I first started coaching, I felt like a big fraud and I wouldn’t promote myself on social media, because I was so scared of that being found out. When I finally owned this, I realised a big reason I felt like a fraud was because I lacked confidence in my skillset. So I went hard on up-levelling my skillset, my aim was to become elite, and so I did. That’s how I feel about my coaching now, and I'm always still working on it to become better (also because I'm a nerd when it comes to self development and high performance).

As a result, I don’t feel like a fraud anymore when it comes to coaching, but I still feel like a fraud in many other areas of my life, which means more areas to grow!

So you have a choice when it comes to confidence…

A) You can continue to walk around hiding parts of yourself, mitigating any threat of being exposed, and hoping things will work out.

or

B) Acknowledge a part of us is a fraud (join the club), and start working on improving where exactly you feel like one and watch your confidence rise as you become more skilful, better and grow.
​

The choice is yours.

Revealing the fraud in ourselves, is one of many other shadows (unconscious parts of ourselves we hide and shame away) that are in the way of us becoming our most confident selves, stopping us from getting what we want and blocking us from our potential.