What’s blocking you from tough conversations as an empathetic man

What’s blocking you from having tough conversations as an empathetic man...

There’s plenty of content on handling tough conversations and managing conflict, essential in today’s leadership courses.

Yet, these skills are useless if you can’t manage your nervous system.

Empathetic men often struggle with tough conversations because we feel emotions intensely.

The emotion in the moment becomes way too overwhelming and intense, so we either automatically react by avoiding the potential conflict, we freeze and become paralysed, we fawn and submit, or we fight back.

For me, avoidance was the norm. Conflict meant anger, and anger meant pain, so I learned to run away. This approach often led to more trouble.

Example: When I was 15, I kicked a football too hard to my brother, and broke a window at home. When dad got home, I told him another kid came past our house and threw a rock at the window 🤦🏽‍♂️

When emotions overwhelm us, all our learned skills vanish, leaving us with unconscious, child-like responses.

Here’s what I learned to do:

💡 First step, is recognising your unconscious conflict response.

💡 Next, focus on regulating or activating your nervous system:
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• Regulate: Breathe in and out through your nose. Helps with calming when we are in fight or flight response.
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• Activate: Breathe in and out through your mouth. Helps with energising ourselves when are in freeze or fawn.

Try this next time you face conflict. You most likely have the tools; now it's time to manage your emotions.