What created the most freedom in my life

As men, we all want to feel free. The freedom to express ourselves, do what we want, when we want and how we want.

Freedom = Less tension and more ease within ourselves.

When we feel more ease, we feel better, we show up better, we do better things and life becomes... You guessed it, better!

What created the most freedom for me in my life was…

I stopped lying and hiding the truth.

For most of my life I hid myself and the truth, and I did this out of self-preservation and protection.

As a child I was scared of my Father and the wrath of his reaction to when I did something ‘bad’, so my first instinct was to lie to protect myself.

At school, I would hide my true nature and agreed with everyone, so they would accept me, doing things I knew didn’t feel good. For example, I would purposely get in trouble with the teacher, just so I could gain respect from the 'cool' kids, where in fact I was such a good student because I loved to learn.

As an adult, I noticed the same behaviours occur in wanting approval from women in relationships, from other men in friendship circles, and at work becoming a 'yes' man.

Although it may of worked to get what I thought I wanted, I felt trapped and I didn’t feel free.

I had to live a lie, in order to feel like I was enough and belonged in society, essentially to survive.

It eventually got to a point where I was in relationships I didn’t really want to be in, immersed in unhealthy environments and feeling deep shame within me, of carrying the guilt of continuously lying and pretending.

The pain of this shame was too much, I used alcohol, porn and various other unhealthy ways to numb this feeling momentarily, which was making my physical and mental health worse.

Until I decided, to stop lying.

To own my mistakes, to own how I was really feeling and start living a life based on what was true for me.

To fully own the hidden parts of me, I didn’t want anyone to know about.

This led to letting go of mis-aligned relationships, facing and being truthful about shameful actions I took in my past, and sharing how I really felt, as hard and fearful as it was.

Which included some pretty hard conversations with people about the things I had lied about in the past, but I know I needed to finally let go of the shame that was haunting me deep inside.

It’s led me to transform from a lying and manipulative people pleaser, to someone who is able to express themselves fully, own the shameful parts of me and live a life on my terms now.

Telling the truth, our truth, helps us to let go of shame.

Shame is what stops us from feeling free.

Shame of what we’ve done in the past, in which we haven’t forgiven ourselves for. Shame of believing that being you isn’t good enough. Shame of wanting something different to others. Shame of our own weirdness and whether it’s acceptable in society.

When we let go of shame and speak the truth, it may initially sting. Your world might change a little, you might lose something or someone, and it can be painful, I get that. It’s scary.

However, what you gain is freedom.

The freedom to no longer hide yourself, to be free from feeling ‘yuck’ inside you, and the freedom to be all of who you are and can be.

Shame is the silent killer, and the truth will set us free from it.

It’s time to be free.