Shift the Voice of Frustration into a Voice of Freedom

Frustration is what I hear from many of those men who don’t feel free to speak their minds.

You’re in a meeting, you’ve got a brilliant idea brewing and see a potential blind spot, you’re waiting for a moment of silence to jump in, but it never does, others keep jumping in and eventually the idea has been taken or the subject has been passed… You feel frustrated.

You’re at home with your partner or a loved one, and they start doing something that annoys you, to be polite you keep your mouth shut, it gets worse but you choose to remain silent, eventually growing in resentment, they realise your mood is off and now your both not talking. You’re both frustrated.

For many men, we become frustrated when:

- We don’t do something we know we are capable of doing

- Withhold the truth to keep the peace, to have it result in the opposite

- Not feel heard and understood

What this comes down to is the lack of feeling safe to speak up.

To step into the unknown of speaking what’s on our mind, despite not knowing how others will react, and trusting you will be safe or can handle whatever comes back on the other end of it.

Many people will try to anticipate how others may react to them, essentially trying to read minds, and share according to the story they create in their mind.

If they think there will be a negative reaction or potential conflict, it’s easier to stay quiet.

This behaviour was most likely learned in our early years, when we were told to remain quiet around adults or when our curiosity or energy was too much for our parents, we would be silenced or shut down by them.

Thus, we learned it wasn’t safe to speak our minds.

So how do we create safety?

I’m a big believer in the saying, the truth sets us free.

The more we follow and speak what is true for us, the more confidence begins to build in our voice.

The truth will bring us into situations of potential conflict and ruffle a few feathers, but the more we stick to what we believe to be true, the more we will be rewarded with audiences who need to hear your message, the more opportunity your ideas will be put into practice and the better you will feel about it.

To create safety, we need to build as much evidence that our voice matters. It starts by practicing with our loved ones who are safe. Then to our friends, social circles, work and out in public.

When we get to a point where we feel free to speak when we want to speak without hesitation, now that feels like freedom.