Why your self-care practice isn’t working

Most of the self care advice out there is all about relieving tension and stress, not addressing it.

e.g. Take yourself on a date, get a massage, for a walk, take a nap, avoid negative people or energy vampires

This treat-yo-self trend, feels good for a minute, then life and your emotional world hits you again, because we haven’t addressed the core issue.

It means there is a part of you in your subconscious driving this tension.

What all these practices are doing, is just putting a band-aid over it.

We’re not actually processing what’s unaddressed and what’s causing the tension in the first place, and it’s trying to get your attention.

e.g. A common pattern I see is, stress and anxiety builds up and remains a constant in someone's life, they may go on holiday, get regular massages and go for long walks along the beach, but only to come back to stress and anxiety as soon as they go back to reality. The stress and anxiety remains because it is trying to communicate to you something important about yourself or your current situation e.g. You values are misaligned, you're not speaking your true voice, you're not being yourself, your needs aren't being met, you're grieving a loss.

If we don't address the underlying issue, we will continue to experience stress and anxiety until it absolutely floors us e.g. major illness, rock bottom or burnout , so that we finally look at what it's been trying to get us to look at. Sometimes the only way some of us will finally look at these internal issues, is by a devastating event.

The good news is, we can prevent that from happening, by getting to the core of what this stress, tension and anxiety is trying to communicate to us.

How can we get to the core?

1. Stop

2. Go into the feeling, accept it's a part of you, and fully feel it.

3. Learn what’s unaddressed e.g. What is this pain/emotion trying to communicate to me?

4. Express the emotion e.g. cry, scream into a pillow, stamp your feet, shake your body, laugh

5. Understand what do you actually need right now, to show up as your most authentic self in your life?

6. Take action on it

This way you are actually taking care of your emotional needs.

Which means, your self-care practice will be far more effective, enjoyable and long lasting now!