Why confidence is an inside job for men

Men, you’re all confident, you have an abundance of confidence within you.

I meet so many men who want to build their confidence looking for all the new tricks, tips and tactics, but it’s there within us.

It’s just either currently blocked or lying dormant, but it’s there.

When we are young, we are expressive or we have the desire to express ourselves fully. It’s a natural part of our being to express ourselves and connect with others relationally. We embodied confidence through our expression.

If you’re feeling low in confidence now as an adult, most likely at a young age you learned that being fully expressive and having self-authority wasn’t acceptable by your caretakers or they couldn’t handle you.

So, you made a decision to hide your full expression or parts of yourselves that you deemed were unlovable, unacceptable or “wrong”.

E.g. Your voice, creativity, moving your body a certain way, standing tall, being seen, taking up space in a room.

If we can’t fully express ourselves or feel the need to hide ourselves, it makes sense why we may lack confidence.

It was never safe to.

The best thing is, we have the power to change this, now.

Here are two shifts:

First, we can remove the block, which is most likely shame.

Feeling shame for fully expressing ourselves, having self-authority and being confident to show it, because it didn’t agree with someone growing up, was too much for them or they projected their insecurities onto you.

We can release this shame by expressing what we hid for so long with other safe men or in a community, to prove to yourself that your full expression is safe, seen and accepted by others.

To finally feel safe to be ourselves is paramount.

Second, you have a choice whether you keep hiding or give yourself permission to start expressing yourself in ways you’ve always wanted to, but always felt powerless to.

As the feeling and burden of shame starts to dissipate, the less blocked you will feel and the easier it will be to access this expression and confidence you have been seeking, it will come through naturally.

It’s up to you to access it and take action to multiply it.

Confidence is an inside job, with the help of a few of your tribe.