The silent killer of intimacy in our relationships

The silent killer of intimacy in our relationships is...

Emotional dumping.

As men, we generally don’t share our emotions or thoughts, but we do when we feel safe.

We usually, and should, feel our safest around our partner.

The problem is if our partner is our only outlet, this can kill the intimacy in the relationship.

If we emotionally dump all our shit onto our partners, we effectively turn them from our lovers to our therapist and mother.

I know for a fact women want their male partners to open up more and share their internal world, which is a beautiful thing.

However, the problem is if they're are our only outlet and it becomes a constant, the polarity of the relationship diminishes and the attraction levels start to go down, especially from the feminine side.

They want a vulnerable man, but they also want a man who is willing to take responsibility and do the work to become more at peace with themselves. Usually outside of the relationship.

In my experience, when I’ve gone over the top with emotional dumping, my partner at the time had become frustrated and lose trust that I’m able to sort myself out, and they unconsciously take the role of leader in the relationship, which is something they just don’t want to do.

They want to surrender into their feminine essence and be led by us.

So, how do we minimise emotional dumping to our partners?

Do your inner work outside of the relationship.

One way can be to emotionally dump into a journal and let out all your thoughts onto paper. Just let it all out, whatever is on your mind with no structure. This will help us sort our thoughts by helping us to step back from the situation, and see it from a different perspective.

Another way is to find men who are on the same journey who you can trust, and you are willing to hold each other in whatever you’re going through. Our greatest healing as a man can be through expressing our pain and shame in the presence of other men. As many men have a deep need to be accepted by other men. I've witnessed men in The Ascension community go through their inner work openly in the group and watched their intimate relationship grow, friendships flourish and connect deeper with their children. That's the power of a men's community.

Finally, if you have the resources, a coach or therapist are trained to hold you in whatever you’re going through and guide you to what you’re needing and seeking. Empowering you by giving you the tools to eventually work through challenges on your own.

If you want to create more intimacy in your relationship, check whether you’re emotionally dumping.