The Archetype Most Men Are Missing
On Wednesday night in the Ascension men’s community, we dove deep into the four masculine archetypes, and one insight hit me hard—most men (including myself) are ruled by the Warriorarchetype.
The Warrior is all about action, discipline, dedication to fulfilling our tasks, mission and pushing through. It’s the part of us that sacrifices for success, defines our worth by what we achieve, and sometimes even shuts off our emotions to stay focused on the mission.
But what I’ve realized, both in my own life and working with high-achieving men, is that many of us have lost connection with the Lover archetype.
The Lover is the part of us that feels…
Joy, presence, and deep connection.
That embraces life’s beauty—love, intimacy, spirituality, creativity, even just the simple pleasure of being alive.
But instead, we cut it off. We tell ourselves: “I can’t afford to feel. I’ll enjoy life later, once I’ve done enough.” Or, "I’m not allowed to feel happy, until I achieve x”.
The cost? Anxiety. Depression. A nagging emptiness, no matter how much we accomplish.
I know because I’ve been there. For the last year, I unknowingly shut my Lover down. I got caught up in the grind, in trying to force my way forward. The result? More pressure, more isolation, and moments where I felt completely lost.
When I reconnected with the Lover, everything shifted. My mind slowed down. I stopped feeling so damn empty, and for the first time in a long time, I actually felt alive.
A book that helped me understand this on a deeper level is King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette. If you haven’t read it, it’s a must for any man looking to understand the different masculine energies that shape who we are.
If any of this resonates, here are a few ways to bring the Lover back into your life:
Feel life fully – The warmth of the sun, the taste of good food, the sound of music that moves you.
Move in ways that awaken you – Dancing, deep breathing, walking in nature, singing.
Open up emotionally – To your partner, to a friend, to yourself. Let yourself feel and share your love.
Let yourself experience pleasure – Without guilt, without needing to earn it, cultivate intimacy with your partner, and deep presence with yourself.
If you’ve been feeling off, like something is missing, like you’re disconnected — this might be why.
Let me know if this lands with you. Would love to hear your thoughts.