How you may be sabotaging your happiness

As succinctly as possible… By constantly seeking approval.

In the Ascension Men’s Community, we are currently working through the male archetype called ‘The Nice Guy’ or ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’.

It’s based of a man’s belief – If nice guys are ‘good’, they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life.

I will talk a lot more about this archetype in the future, but one of the main habits of the ‘nice guy’ is seeking approval.

Have you ever had this thought before, even unconsciously:

“I’m a chameleon, I will become whatever I believe a person wants me to be in order to be liked?”

Just about everything a nice guy does is consciously or unconsciously calculated to gain someone’s approval or to avoid disapproval, because this is what they believe makes them valuable, compensating for a deep belief they are inherently ‘bad’.

As a recovering nice guy myself, I’ve always had the belief I am not okay just as I am, and I used to find ways convince myself and others that I am lovable, desirable or valuable.

e.g. Looking a certain way, showcasing my talent or intellect, attractive partner, highlighting achievements

Seeking approval has sabotaged my happiness, many of the men and the nice guys I’ve encountered too.

Sabotaged in a way, we try to please everyone, which ends up in no one being pleased at all, including ourselves.

When we unconsciously try to gain approval from people, we will make decisions, express our thoughts and take action according to what we think others want, rather than what we truly believe.

We essentially outsource our decision making, behaviours and emotional state.

Our thoughts, feelings and actions become based on what we think others want, rather than our authentic selves.

So, how do we recover from this and reclaim our happiness?

We start by identifying our approval-seeking behaviour, by paying attention to when trying to impress others or get approval.

e.g. The way we look, over intellectualising to sound superior, showing off material possessions, being different to other men, seeking validation to your decisions, being too humble, making yourself smaller, speaking in a overly pleasant way, not having an opposing opinion.

The quicker we catch these behaviours, the quicker we can practice choosing to be our authentic selves in the moment and learn to approve of ourselves.

The quicker we learn to be ourselves, without the need for approval, the happier we will become in our own skin.

If you resonate with this 'nice guy' trait and you're wanting to explore the different ways you can overcome self sabotage, to bring more happiness and fulfilment into your life...