Constantly feeling triggered by your boss? Here’s why…

If you find yourself triggered by your boss, you’re not alone. Many high performing men I’ve worked with feel the same.

Why?

Because, your boss may be reflecting parts of you that you haven’t yet accepted or owned in yourself.

I often hear complaints of bosses who are selfish, arrogant and angry.

These men get emotionally triggered by their bosses, often resenting them for these traits.

However, after some deep reflection together, these men realise they haven’t owned the fact they also have the ability to be selfish, arrogant and angry themselves.

They don’t actually feel comfortable seeing this within themselves, so the only way to feel safe to experience this part of them, is by projecting it onto another person, their boss.

By projecting their disgust of these traits onto their boss, it protects themselves from seeing it within themselves.

Whatever trait we believe doesn’t fit the person we are presenting to the world, we will deny within ourselves and anyone we see who embodies that, we will reject.

How do we shift this?

Next time you feel triggered by your boss, ask yourself “Where am I also like this?”

e.g. I had an old boss who triggered me because I thought he was heartless, which was against my values. However, when I asked myself “Where am I like this too?”, I started to see all the ways I was being heartless in my life, and it struck me that I hadn’t owned this part of me, and I was projecting the disgust I had for own traits, to him.

After owning the traits we see in others, we become less triggered by them, because we see them as humans, just like us, all dealing with everything the best we can.

When we come from this lens, it changes the way we deal with others, coming from a place of compassion and seeing behaviours for what they really are, rather than what they might mean against us.

By all means it doesn’t excuse some of these behaviours, but you’ll now separate from the emotion and respond more logically to them.