The Top 5 Toughest Lessons I Learned This Year
As we reflect on the year that was, I want to vulnerably share the top 5 toughest lessons I learned in 2024.
1. You cannot run away from your unresolved issues
In late 2023, I moved to Bali with my partner Bree, chasing a dream we both shared. We packed up our lives, full of high hopes and expectations. Unfortunately, our adventure lasted only 6 months before we had to return to Australia. I had hidden motives for this move, expecting Bali to automatically make me happier and our life magically better. While we experienced moments of healing and incredible adventure, it ultimately exposed my unresolved issues.
I realized how much of my happiness I placed on external factors. I had blamed Australia's rigidity for my lack of freedom, but Bali exposed my lack of responsibility for our long-term future. Without a clear plan, we moved frequently, creating an unstable lifestyle that brought us down more than it lifted us up. This experience forced me to face the areas of my life I was avoiding and take full responsibility for myself. It was a confronting process, but now I feel freer than ever, knowing no person or place is coming to save me, it's all on me.
2. Feeling like a fraud sabotages success
Early in the year, I grappled with massive imposter syndrome. The Bali "failure" hit my ego and self-confidence hard. I spent months trying to be perfect, avoiding mistakes, and hiding myself socially. I stopped networking and building friendships, fearing I wasn't "good enough." It wasn't until a mentor looked me in the eyes and said, "You know what's stopping you from success, Evan? You think you're a fraud," that I finally confronted this issue. Boy did that hurt!
Acknowledging my feelings of fraudulence, I threw myself into personal development. I took courses, worked with therapists, read extensively, and faced my dark side to build genuine confidence. This work led to significant growth - I published a podcast, grew my men's community, started a new sport, created more content than ever before, and had numerous speaking engagements. All because I finally owned the fact I felt like and was a fraud (in some areas) and then worked to overcome it.
3. Entitlement repels success
There were times this year when nothing seemed to be working in my business, relationships, or personal life. I felt like a failure, constantly complaining and wondering why things weren't progressing despite my efforts. My sense of entitlement was blocking my success.
A life-changing shadow work training mid-year helped me confront this. I realized I expected success and positive results simply because I thought I "deserved" them. My inflated sense of self believed I had the right to achieve without putting in the hard work. Once I acknowledged this entitlement, I focused on making the necessary effort in all areas of my life, rather than complaining. This shift has helped me improve across the board and reassess my priorities.
4. The only way to heal is to feel
As someone who has always struggled with anxiety, this year brought it to new heights, especially during our Bali adventure and the subsequent changes. I'd wake up daily with a sick feeling in my stomach, my mind racing with worry. It got to a point where I knew I needed to make a change.
I made two significant shifts that transformed my relationship with anxiety. First, my partner Bree, a breathwork facilitator, introduced me to a daily breathwork practice. This helped regulate my nervous system and release anxiety. Second, I learned to sit with my feelings instead of trying to escape them. One day, when my anxiety was at its peak, I decided to fully feel it during meditation. To my surprise, within minutes, it started to dissipate, and soon it was gone - along with my fearful thoughts.
This lesson has become a cornerstone in my practice, both for myself and my clients. I've seen incredible results with men who struggle with anxiety, anger, and overwhelm. Feeling our emotions fully is the quickest way to process and release them, freeing us from associated negative thoughts.
5. It's okay to ask for help
This year, I delved deeper into my healing journey, facing childhood traumas that had long been buried. As these surfaced, they significantly impacted my mental health. As men, and especially as a coach, I felt immense pressure to have it all together. I held onto my struggles, withdrawing from others and spiraling into low moods.
The turning point came when I broke down one night and finally admitted to Bree that I needed help. The relief was immediate and profound. I worked with an amazing therapist, received support from a close friend, and Bree's unwavering presence brought light into my darkest moments.
This experience taught me that even as a leader or someone who thinks they should 'have it all together', is not only okay but necessary to ask for help. Trying to bear everything alone is an impossible and detrimental burden. Asking for help is a sign of strength and courage, allowing us to open up to the love and support around us.
These lessons have profoundly transformed my approach to life and coaching. They've shown me the power of taking responsibility, embracing authenticity, putting in the hard work, processing emotions, and seeking support when needed.