The Silent Identity Crisis That’s Destroying Men
If you’re like me, you grew up believing that your worth came from performance - from excelling, achieving, and being admired for it.
I was praised for being the athlete, the fitness guy, the one who stood out. So, I kept chasing the next big thing:
Fitness competitions and races
Becoming an international athlete
Getting on billboards and TV
I kept climbing… until I didn’t want to anymore.
At some point, the things that once drove me stopped feeling right, but I had no idea who I was without them.
Then came the void.
I followed a path that felt true - embracing my depth, my intensity, understanding my emotions and mental health, expressing myself through writing, experiencing deep love, and masculinity beyond the surface. But this path didn’t fit the image I had carefully built, the one that once made me feel valued.
This is the crisis men all over the world are facing - Who I was vs. Who I want to be.
We build identities around what gets us love, admiration, and validation. And then one day, we realize… it’s not us anymore.
But letting go? That’s terrifying.
Because if I’m not the high-achieving, successful man people admire, then who am I?
Most men get stuck here.
They either:
Cling to the past - talking about their glory days, trying to keep the identity alive.
Shape-shift into whatever they think will get them praise next.
I did both. And it left me feeling empty.
It wasn’t until I lost everything - money, status, achievements - that I had no choice but to face myself.
That’s when I finally asked: Who am I when I’m no longer performing?
That’s the initiation every man must go through.
To finally let go of who we think we need to be… and step into who we truly are.
Here’s what I found:
You are valuable just as you are, not for what you achieve.
The right people will see and value you for your authenticity, not your accomplishments.
The moment you stop performing and start embodying your truth, success, fulfilment, and connection flow naturally.
So, if you’re a high-performing man and feel like you’re stuck in this void, ask yourself:
Who am I when I no longer have to perform?
Write down the parts of you that don’t require achievement to be valuable.
Look for the things you create that breathe life into others.
Find what makes you come alive, purely because it’s who you are.
That’s the real you - the version of you waiting on the other side of this crisis.
I’m on this journey now. Come join me.